Rape Culture Does Exist

The phrase “rape culture” has become increasingly popular of late. When people think of the word “culture” we imagine benign things such as customs and traditions of a country or group of people. It is not something we associate with something as disgusting and violent as rape or sexual assault. Surely, there is no such thing as a culture of rape.

Last night I, along with many others watched Louise O’Neill’s documentary “Asking for it”, which examined the presence of a rape culture in Ireland. The documentary pointed out various failings in teaching men and women the seriousness of consent, both in school and at home. Sexual education in Ireland has been laughable and as a nation, we’re not very comfortable even saying the words vagina and penis without getting squeamish. It is fair to say that most of us have been left to figure it all out for ourselves. Or with the help of this video which was actually shown to us in around 2002 in primary school: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxgXWHo9jvI

Back in the real world, porn has become more accessible and popular with the growth of the internet. Thankfully, Asking For It did not blindly categorise porn as morally wrong. Instead it focused on how it was wrong for people to learn about sex and consent through the medium of porn, a fantasy essentially. Videos in which no one says no, and which are generally not reflective of real life sexual encounters (pizza delivery, fake taxi etc.) are not a great introduction to the reality of sex.

The problem with the culture in Ireland, and indeed the world, is that when women admit they watch porn or they are actively sexually active, they are met with raised eyebrows and uncomfortable reactions, whereas men are actually expected to watch porn daily and are often scorned at for not doing so. How does this create a rape culture you ask?

Growing up without proper sexual education and learning about sex through the internet leads to this line of thinking: Women are meant to be sexy but not sexual. They are objects who do not have needs or emotions. They can be coerced into sex even after they have said no and they will then proceed to enjoy being penetrated in over 20 different positions until he ejaculates all over her face.

To be clear, not all men are rapists and sexual predators just because they do not receive a sufficient sex education in school. The issue is that a culture develops where excuses are made to protect the rapists and not the victims. Sentences like “Ah he was just drunk he didn’t mean it” and “Ah, she loves the ride anyways” are used to excuse a rapist’s actions.

Brock Turner was hailed as a great athlete and no one delved into his past experiences with women, but the woman in the Ched Evans case had her sexual history used as evidence against her in court. Does enjoying sex make it OK for you to be raped? Does having one night stands when you are drunk make it OK for a guy to continue to have sex with you even when you cannot speak?

You would not believe all of the cases of sexual assault and rape I have heard. Close friends and strangers alike. Myself even. In one instance, I woke up in the middle of the night, after a night out, to find a guy I had never met pushing himself up against my back, breathing heavily, with his hands in my knickers. I was wearing big fluffy pyjamas from Penney’s, not that it matters, but that irritated me afterwards, I was not even in some scantily clad state where he could not resist. Again, this is just the ridiculous logic of your thinking when this happens. His friend, who had been back in our house with someone else, thought it would be a good idea for him to go into my room and sleep next to an unconscious me, because “she loves the ride”. I had never met him before in my life.

The worst part of a rape culture are the enablers of it. The guys and girls who have heard all of the stories about what a certain guy has done to several girls and to continue to portray them as some sort of legend extraordinaire. It is pathetic. That is a rape culture. You are afraid to press charges because it’s your word against his. It’s your slutty past next to his gleaming record. He may be innocent until proven guilty but you are the liar before proven honest.