Reasons why I swipe left on Tinder
Still on my quest to find the man of my dreams I have once
again placed my trust in Tinder. In case you have been living under a rock for
some time, allow me to briefly explain the basic concept behind the app. You
create a profile which is connected to your Facebook, which allows for you to
see if you have any friends or interests in common with other Tinder users. You
then select a maximum of six photos to essentially sell yourself with and you
also have the option of writing a brief biography. After you decide who you’re
interested in (males, females or a bit of both) Tinder will then release your
profile for others to see, displaying your first name, your age, the six photos
and your bio. Essentially Tinder allows you to potentially find your soul mate
by simply swiping right if you like someone and to discreetly pass by swiping
left on their profile.
In case you think I'm being too harsh in this, feel free to laugh at my own Tinder profile:
With that system in mind, I will now reveal what makes me
swipe left, or in other words, me saying “no fucking way”.
1.
When the following sentences are used in a
person’s bio:
“I love my music”/ “I love music”
“I love watchen movies”
“Up for a laugh”/ “Up for the crack”
To begin with, can I ask whether there are
genuinely people out there who DO NOT like music? Yes, everyone has their own
tastes but generally it’s accepted that people enjoy music. This does not make
you unique or entice me to know more about you.
I hope it is clear at this point that any
spelling mistakes are deliberate and necessary to illustrate my points. Anyways, if you love ‘watchen’ movies so
much, then at least learn how to spell the verb watching.
If you have to tell someone that you are
the type of person who likes to have fun and laugh, then I am in no way
interested in having said ‘laugh’ with
you. This feeling is heightened especially so when people cannot differentiate between
‘crack’ and ‘craic’.
2. Unable to spell
If you cannot differentiate between the
following:
They’re/ their/ there
Your/you’re
You are stupid and I hate you.
3. Travellers
There is no need to contact Pavee Point, I’m
not referring to the same travellers you’re thinking of. These guys are from
America, Australia and other places around the world and are looking for
someone to ‘show them around’ or someone to ‘go for drinks with’ or in other
words, ‘someone to sit on my dick for the two days I’m here’.
Bye, Felipe.
Photos can be the most off putting part of someone’s entire
profile. I feel like your first photo is similar to a prostitute’s window in
the Red Light District, if you don’t catch someone’s eye straight away they’re
going to keep walking. Which leads me to the following:
4. More than two group photos
This is not Where’s Wally. If you have more
than two group photos of you and 500 other people, you’ve lost me. I am a woman
with very little patience, and unless you and all of your friends are extremely
good looking, I am not spending my time deciphering which one you are.
5. Photos with a baby or a car
Unless you specifically say in your bio
that you did not help to reproduce that baby then I am going to assume it is
yours and run for the hills/swipe left. I can barely make sure that my jumper
is not on inside out in the morning, never mind helping mind a baby that I did
not make. Sorry.
If one of your photos is of you and your
car, OR WORSE, of just your car, then you need to really question what you are
doing with your life. If you think a girl is going to find you sexy because you
drive a red Honda Civic then you might be from Carraroe. Other than that, I am
genuinely flummoxed when people use their car in their profile photos and I will
surely be swiping left.
6. Not wearing a top in one of your photos
ESPECIALLY when you also have your pants pulled
down, so dangerously low, that I’m left wondering if you had the opportunity to
whip your wang out to show off its muscle definition/pump, would you even
hesitate? Honestly, I love a good ‘gym rat’ body as much as the next girl, but
you are only coming across as self-absorbed when you’re half naked and tensing
so hard that you might shit yourself at any moment.
So now you know how NOT to impress me on
Tinder. Go forth and create a profile that I will swipe right to and maybe we’ll
fall madly in love and be a perfect couple forever.
Good night, Irene
